He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
