My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
50% drunk capacity currently
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
