Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
