My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
