I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
