New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
third nipple confirmed
don't judge my taste in strippers
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
