smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
