your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I cockslap morals
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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