I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
