Got a toothbrush?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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