I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
