At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
