just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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