You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wish there were birth control emojis
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
