I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
