Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
