do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
