Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
