Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
