Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
