can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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