We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
