i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
