Kiss
Puke
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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