I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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