Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The uberlube is also flammable
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize