Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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