So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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