So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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