Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
