We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just invented taco cereal.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
