yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize