There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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