i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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