I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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