today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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