Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
