Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
