Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
