You just made me feel so damn special
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
