There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
