he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize