Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
