every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
