he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
