I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
