Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
