if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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