Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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