Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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