I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
