hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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