Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They took my balls.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
