I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
