Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
