This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
