bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
