The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
