he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
