happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
