i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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