Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize