i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize