apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
